Welcome to the Happy Wrestling Land: The Newsletter Volume 1! This week:
We start with DDT, because that feels right — Captain Lou covered a busy weekend of faction farewells and Yusuke Okada
We also welcome Robert McCauley, who’s goal of spreading the pro-wrestling love through fun and unique writing will fit right in - featured this week is Season 1, Episode 5 of his fun and unique How I Met Your Puroresu series
Dum Dum Daniels checks in with thoughts on AEW Dynamite St. Patrick’s Day Slam (Britt Baker vs. Thunder Rosa!), last week’s WWE TV (uhhhh), and WWE Fastlane (Roman Reigns vs. Daniel Bryan!)
Captain Lou also saw All Japan’s 3/14 show and NOAH’s 3/14 Great Voyage in Fukuoka, where he suffered through all of Keiji Muto’s sins so you don’t have to
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Captain Lou’s Review: DDT All Out Final Fight (3/12/2021)
Let us say goodbye to All Out. A swell group of friends that also happened to be pretty decent at wrestling.
Yuji Hino vs. Yuki Iino
Thank you Yuji Hino for not putting up with those first few haka elbow attempts. The match was in the same vein as the one they had in Nagoya last month: comedy at first and then meaty hoss fighting. I’ve said it a million times before, but Iino does really well at straight-up beefy wrestling and he’d gain a lot from toning down his haka non-sense. I had the impression he put up more of a fight against Hino in their first meeting, so there was a weird sense of regression here. If this is part of a genius long-term story where Iino realizes he needs to be Less Dumb in order to progress, then I say BRAVO. If this is not that, then uuuuh… ***
Konosuke Takeshita, Shunma Katsumata & Akito vs. Yuki Ueno, Chris Brookes & Shota
Watch your back, Dragon Gate! The quality of DDT’s multiman tag matches has been insane in 2021. This one had a similar cast as the rocking 8-man tag from the January Korakuen, but the action peaked even higher. Everyone embraced the lucha-style no tag rules and had themselves an all out (pun intended) sprinty banger. The one big advantage these matches have over their DG counterpart is that the babyface in peril section doesn’t grind everything to a halt.
Sure, All Out isolated Shota for a few minutes here, but it never felt like the pause button had been pushed. There was a full-on dive train, Lancashire-style trickery between Shota/Akito and all sorts of well-orchestrated counters. The Takeshita/Ueno section had serious Ace vs. Future Ace energy and I completely lost my shit for Take wrist-clutch Fisherman BUSTERING his way out of the WR. Total fucking blast. ***3/4
HARASHIMA & Yasu Urano vs. Tetsuya Endo & Soma Takao vs. Antonio Honda & Trans-Am Hiroshi – 3-Way Tag Match
I had to check out the always helpful Dramatic DDT blog to make sense of this one. The match kept getting rebooked from 3-way tag to Smile Squash vs. Happy Motel 6-man throwback and there was a lot of confusion to be had. You probably had an easier time following than me if you know your expired DDT factions. Hiroshi forming YOGAMNATION with Endo and Soma in the final stretch did procure some laughs. *1/2
Konosuke Takeshita & Akito vs. Shunma Katsumata & Akito
A+ for effort but the layout was way too convoluted for this to work as a near 30-minute-long tag team epic. They might’ve pulled it off with anyone else in Iino’s place, but his presence alone meant the momentum kept getting derailed non-stop by his bullshit tropes. A real shame, because the tough love dynamic between Take and Shunma hinted at a stone cold classic.
Both guys were out there to kill each other and it was a thing of beauty. Takeshita no-selling Shunma’s strikes, the impromptu slap-fight and assorted nutcase bumps from Katsumata were all big time highlights. Hell, Take managed to pull some good stuff out of Iino too (THAT LAST RIDE!), but the whole structure collapsed when they went into that goofy 4-way forearm duel. Constant tug of war between high quality moments and very regrettable decisions. ***
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Captain Lou’s Review: DDT Day Dream Believer 2021 (3/14/2021)
Hideki Okatani vs. Toi Kojima
A couple of young boys doing young boy things. Kojima still feels as green as his ring gear. Both in terms of his general awkwardness and complete inability to throw a chop. I know he only has a few months of experience, but c’mon kid, just lay ‘em in. Okatani (sporting a SWEET FADE) tried his best to make it work and they eventually got to a decent place in the last minute or two. **
Saki Akai Photobook ©, Antonio Honda & Saki Akai vs. The Young Bucks Autobiography, Danshoku Dino & Keigo Nakamura – Ironman Heavy Metal Title
Well. After a lot of shenanigans and much perviness, the Heavy Metal title has been reclaimed from the relm of books and is now back in the hands of dumb human beings. Suck it, literature. Another riveting chapter in the eternal struggle between DDT pro-wrestlers and inanimate objects.
HARASHIMA & Toru Owashi vs. Konosuke Takeshita & MAO vs. Daisuke Sasaki & Mad Paulie vs. Yuki Iino & Yukio Naya – 4-Way Tag Match
How did this turn out so well? Life is full of mysteries. What could’ve easily been midcard filler afterthought turned into a legit fun match thanks to a blindingly-fast pace and plenty of creativity. Even the haka elbow couldn’t ruin this one. MAO brought the flips, Take unwittingly joined Damnation for like 5 seconds and I’m pretty sure there was a stacked Superplex/Powerbomb at some point? Lots of cool shit. Now that All Out is no more, they might as well run with Iino and Naya as a permanent big boi tag team. It’s not like they have anything better to do. ***
Jun Akiyama & Makoto Oishi vs. Kazusada Higuchi & Yukio Sakaguchi
YES! Higuchi is getting more and more unhinged as the feud with Akiyama rages on. Today he wrestled barefoot, chopped the shit out of anything that moved and attempted a god damn sumo charge on the KO-D champ. And that’s on top of his usual routine of shoot headbutting the ring-post and slamming people on the floor. I’m extremely into this.
While Uncle Jun was busy fending off this monster, Oishi rounded off the rest of the match with his technical expertise. Always dig him and Sakaguchi taking it to the mat. These four gentlemen also decided to work one of the better countout finishes I’ve seen in a while, adding another layer of chaos to this thing. Hell of a good time. ***1/4
Shunma Katsumata © vs. Chris Brookes – DDT Extreme Title – Barbedwire Casket Death Match
The best kind of car crash. Shunma working the Super Hardcore Katsumata gimmick is usually a bad sign, but this was way better than any of his previous experiments with the wacky Joker gimmick. Much like his rocking title defense against MAO, the action went beyond the usual cutesy lego tropes and landed in actual hardcore territory.
Both guys bumped like complete lunatics and took barbedwire boards to the back like there was no tomorrow. Hell, they even referenced the one and only MR. POGO~! Gotta respect any match with nods to W*ING. I’m a bit torn on the JOKER DRUIDS interference segment, as I don’t think it went exactly as planned but it still provided some serious laughs. Undertaker comedy weirdness aside, they brought it home in spectacular fashion for the finish. Too much fun. ***1/2
Akito, Kazuki Hirata & Shota © vs. Tetsuya Endo, Soma Takao & Yuji Hino – KO-D 6-Man Tag Team Titles
Another day, another DDT 6-man ripper. Only 48 hours after the All Out Final Fight 6-man, which I described as DDT out-Dragon Gating DG, we get more of the same high-octane Lucharesu revival greatness. This company truly is spoiling us this year. As with most matches from this recent batch of multiman mayhem, this one had a user-friendly Shota in peril section that never overstayed its welcome, wickedly-smart dive placement, clever bits of comedy and innovative sequencing that kept you on your toes for 13 minutes straight.
Endo obviously can get the job done in singles matches, but this type of setting might be the best environment for him. The guy just effortlessly out-flashed everyone, both with his high-flying and some unexpectedly dope submission counters with Akito. He also took the mother of all backflip bumps for Hirata’s TITLE MATCH BOMBER (possibly the greatest move name of all time). You want all of this! ***1/2
Yuki Ueno © vs. Yusuke Okada – DDT Universal Title
There is no cooler story in pro-wrestling at the moment than this Okada DDT run. Neglected by All Japan for an entire year despite his painfully-obvious potential, the guy decides to follow Uncle Jun to the Dramatic Dream Team where he immediately starts turning heads. A first non-title match with Ueno in January put him on the map and this sequel confirmed what AJPW nerds knew all along. The dude is a star.
Leaving behind the dueling limb-work structure of their first meeting, both guys went in full big match mode and had themselves a proper Korakuen Hall main event. Less submissions and more raw emotion. Actually, the entire story of the match was right there in the introductions. Smiley pretty boy Ueno cockily refusing the opening handshake set Okada off on an Akiyama-ISM-fueled warpath that forced the champ to take him very, very seriously.
Clearly, a lot of care went into the layout. Not one dull moment to be found – both wresters’ vibrant personalities easily holding the match together until the big bombs later on. The big bombs were pretty fucking great too, but the selling and reacting is what put it all over the top. Moments like Okada RUSHING for that Brainbuster after the apron German suplex and Ueno’s scream of pure agony after kicking out of the Sudden Death. Two professional wrestlers wrestling professionally.
Okada’s a made man and DDT have an exciting new rivalry in their back pocket. Sometimes, everything works out. PS – Whoever’s booking All Japan must feel pretty dumb right now. ****1/4
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How I Met Your Puroresu: S1 E5
Company: Dramatic Dream Team
Show Title: Day Dream Believer 2021
Match: Yuki Ueno vs Yusuke Okada
Stakes: DDT Universal Championship
Length: 20 Minutes
Production Date: March 14, 2021
Air Date: March 14, 2021
How I Met Your Puroresu is a series dedicated to providing background information on matches in hopes of broadening horizons. These matches will be no longer than that of a sitcom as to not overwhelm a first time viewer.
Who doesn’t love a feel-good story? One where wrongs are righted, ships set back on course, and the world feels fair. Since leaving All Japan Pro-Wrestling at the end of 2020, no wrestler has felt more inspired than Yusuke Okada. In the span of three weeks, he proved to the wrestling world that all he ever needed was a chance.
Okada made his pro-wrestling debut in January of 2017 and by January 2019 he was already making his first challenge for the AJPW World Junior Heavyweight Championship. Trained by the late Atsushi Aoki, Okada quickly climbed the ranks of All Japan’s junior division but everything came to a screeching halt when news broke that his mentor, Aoki, was tragically killed in a motorcycle accident.
Through the tragedy, Okada found himself in his first ever singles main event at Korakuen Hall where he’d wrestle EVOLUTION stablemate, Hikaru Sato, at Atsushi Aoki’s memorial show. The loss of the legend weighed heavy on the entire roster but most notably Jun Akiyama, who stepped down as head booker and looked to leave the company soon thereafter.
With Akiyama out of the way, All Japan would decide to kick Okada out of EVOLUTION and put him in comedy matches. He’d wrestle comedic hair versus hair matches with Seigo Tachibana before losing a GAORA TV Championship match against Yoshitatsu and being forced to join Tatsu Kingdom as the fall guy. 2020 was especially grim for Okada, searching to find his place in wrestling.
DDT’s Yuki Ueno is someone who’s been in the right place throughout his entire career. He picked up his first championship less than two years in, and went on a near 300-day reign as tag team champion in 2020 before winning his first singles championship just one week after losing the tag titles. At just 25-years-old, Ueno is a made man in DDT but someone hungrier is on his trail.
When Jun Akiyama took his leave from All Japan, he found himself joining DDT as a mentor for young talents such as Mizuki Watase and Hideki Okatani. By the end of 2020, he tweeted out a picture of Yusuke Okada and himself hanging out together. Akiyama brought Okada in and on his fifth match with the company, received a non-title singles match against Ueno. In defeat, he still passed with flying colors.
This time, the DDT Universal Championship will be on the line and for the first time since Atsushi Aoki’s memorial show, Yusuke Okada will be in a main event singles match at Korakuen Hall. Under Akiyama once again, Okada is receiving the opportunity to flourish and he’s facing a man in Yuki Ueno who’s yet to reach any sort of setback in his career. Yusuke Okada has a chance to be that setback.
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Performance Review – AEW Dynamite: St. Patrick’s Day Slam (3/17/21)
St. Patrick’s Day traditionally celebrates the arrival of Christianity in Ireland along with the heritage and culture of the Irish people. There’s something about snakes too, but I think that’s a work.
AEW celebrated in name only this week, as instead of green beer and leprechauns there was family infighting, emotional shows of respect, and a big brawl… wait-a-minute!!!
The World
This world is now run by Britt Baker and Thunder Rosa. It took one match — along with the goodwill built up among a number of fun appearances over the last year — to give not just AEW’s women division but the entire company the kick in the ass desperately needed after that whole fake exploding barbed wire match thing. This was both mission statement and wrestling match, something both beautiful and violent that can also weirdly act as an entry point for somebody confused about this wrestling business. A special thing on TV. More down below.
Post-Revolution, new stables of talent emerged while existing ones continued to scrap their way into the Next Thing.
The Nightmare Family is having troubles (yeesh), but prior to that the combination of Arn Anderson, Dustin Rhodes, Billy Gunn and Billy’s sons looking over a hurt Cody Rhodes gave me great flashbacks to the Rock & Roll’s and the Italian Stallion looking over Dusty – even if the angle doesn’t work, there is still a vibe that can.
The Pinnacle of MJF, Wardlow, Tully Blanchard, and FTR began their run with a good though not great introduction promo. It hit the beats, but I didn’t feel them – if that makes sense. I am being told Shawn Spears is also in this group.
Look at AEW building up Lance Archer and Brian Cage out of the Sting and Darby Allin segments! How about that!! I kind of resent Cage so I wish his show of respect to Sting didn’t work so well.
“Big Money” Matt Hardy has a whole midcard to himself now, doesn’t he? It’s not a bad way of giving the tag teams without much to do something to do.
Kenny Omega, Jon Moxley and friends continued their bad blood this week too, though right now the character I am most compelled by in all this is Don Callis. Not sure if that’s good.
Performance:3.5 / 5.0 (VERY GOOD)
The Wrestling
Britt Baker vs. Thunder Rosa in an Anything Goes Unsanctioned Lights Out Match (yeesh) worked on three levels: it delivered on expectation, it surpassed expectation, and it brought wrestling to this amazing world not seen since VHS tapes in the 1990s where a lady could bleed buckets then take a Fire Thunder Driver off the apron through a table and it wasn’t weird or anything, just… awesome. This was a badass match from the bell, a Schwein from Baker on the entrance ramp setting a tone that only got crazier: nasty bumps on ladders, chairs, thumbtacks… but also an approach intensity in between it all that took this to epic territory. I loved it.
I liked the Cody Rhodes/Penta El Zero Miedo angle last week more than the actual match, which was alright but had Too Much Stuff and felt like a lame dream match more than the heated brawl they did last week.
There was a Jade Cargill squash and a 10-man tag. Jon Moxley/Eddie Kingston vs. The Good Brothers was good TV. I thought Fenix vs. Angelico would’ve been better, but Fenix is still cool.
Performance:4.0 / 5.0 (EXCELLENT)
The Entertainment
Don Callis is such a wonderful shit and good thing or not he is carrying the Young Bucks angle as Kenny Omega figures out who he wants to be. That last part isn’t a bad thing either – the weekly evolution of Top Guy on TV Kenny has been a blast.
I don’t know if they want to gimmick up Penta El Zero Miedo, but his mic guy is fun and should probably stick around.
Jon Moxley and Eddie Kingston rule together. Maybe more than against each other.
Jake “The Snake” Roberts doing dirty dad jokes on national TV in 2021 might not exactly be “good” but, I mean: “You in a hot dog bun? ‘Cause you ain’t nothing but a weenie, boy…”
Performance:3.5 / 5.0 (VERY GOOD)
Room for Improvement
Why a Canadian Destroyer, Cody? Come on.
Be subtle with QT Marshall – it doesn’t have to be a whole thing.
Christian Cage needs a hook.
My Favorite Things
Tully Blanchard promos
Ricky Starks’ reaction to Brian Cage dissing him
Britt Baker vs. Thunder Rosa
Performance Review: 73%
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Working Man’s WWE TV Review: 3/14/21 – 3/20/21
Welcome to the Peacock Era, on the Fastlane to WrestleMania. Something like that. Is this still a wrestling company??
Working Man’s Recap
Good Work: Bobby Lashley, Kofi & Woods, WALTER, Nathan Frazier, Meiko Satomura, Sasha Banks, Daniel Bryan, Sami Zayn
World: Slow Road to WrestleMania, WALTER Comes to America, NXT’s Bloated Women’s Division, SmackDown is Pretty Good
Wrestling: RAW Tag Team Title: Shelton Benjamin & Cedric Alexander [c] w/ MVP vs. Kofi Kingston & Xavier Woods (RAW 3/15/21), SmackDown Women’s Title: Sasha Banks [c] vs. Nia Jax w/ Shayna Baszler (SmackDown 3/19/21)
Entertainment: WALTER powerbombs Tommaso Ciampa (NXT 3/17/21), Daniel Bryan/Roman Reigns in-ring confrontation (SmackDown 3/19/21), Big E/Apollo Crews split-screen interview and brawl (SmackDown 3/19/21)
RAW (3/15/21)
Most of the crew got in place for WrestleMania this week, less than a month out from the big show (remember him?): Kofi Kingston & Xavier Woods won the RAW Tag Team Titles so AJ Styles & Omos could challenge them, Damian Priest squashed Jaxson Ryker so The Miz could attack Bad Bunny, Shane McMahon poured slime on Braun Strowman, and Alexa Bliss challenged Randy Orton to a wrestling match. Did I get all that right?
Oh, Mustafa Ali got really mad at Retribution again when he lost to Riddle. I mean, I’d be mad too.
The Tag Titles switch was random but pretty good, and I’ve got to say: Bobby Lashley and Sheamus put in some work in the main event.
Otherwise, RAW continues to be bad and I do not recommend spending any time with it.
Rating:1.0 / 5.0
NXT (3/17/21)
NXT continues to feel too much like talented wrestlers inserted into all the lamest WWE beats. Finn Balor and Karrion Kross challenging for the Tag Titles before their Title match is a beat; Adam Cole and Kyle O’Reilly getting arrested is a beat. Even Shotzi Blackheart & Ember Moon teaming up to tell mom jokes feels like the result of some machine.
There were wrestling matches on this show, though none really stood out from the other: Dexter Lumis/Austin Theory, Breezango/Legado del Fantasma, Dakota Kai/Zoey Stark, Eli Drake/August Grey, Tommaso Ciampa/Marcel Barthel – matches in a vacuum. Bronson Reed flexing to tear up Drake’s ring jacket was the most exciting part.
Of course, NXT is usually just an injection of UK talent away from being good. Pete Dunne and Toni Storm added some weight a few months ago, and this week saw not only the U.S. return of Jordan Devlin but WALTER too. I lost it when ol’ WALT showed up to try and recruit Timothy Thatcher, and hope he kicks Karrion Kross’ boring ass too.
Rating:1.5 / 5.0
MAIN EVENT (3/17/21)
Main Event always gets a little sadder this time a year, as commentary has to repeat once a match the concept that the wrestlers are looking to prove themselves on the Road to WrestleMania. The truth is: if they are here right now on Main Event, they are probably not going to be on WrestleMania. Except Akira Tozawa, who lost to Lince Dorado this week but will somehow end up in a bit with Matthew McConaughey or something on Night 2.
Angel Garza vs. Humberto Carrillo was the other match. I miss those guys.
Rating:1.5 / 5.0
NXT UK (3/18/21)
This week was built around Trent Seven challenging Jordan Devlin for the Cruiserweight Title, which ended up a pretty average match that Seven lost. So that is a bummer. How did Devlin get back to the U.K. so fast!?
Nathan Frazier beat Ashton Smith in a match of two guys who finally have real TV gear. Meiko Satomura had a quality squash match with Dani Luna. Xia Brookside is kind of bullying Nina Samuels. And Rampage Brown pushed down WALTER.
How did WALTER get back to the U.K. so fast!?
Rating:1.0 / 5.0
SMACKDOWN (3/19/21)
SmackDown having a vague plan going into WrestleMania rewarded it with another solid show this week, including strong go-home angles for Roman Reigns/Daniel Bryan (what a promo!) and Big E/Apollo Crews (what a promo!!). Edge returned to the ring against Jey Uso too, and it was kind of as unremarkable as the whole run has been.
The Sasha Banks/Bianca Belair feud is getting very WWE silly but Sasha had a good title match to open the show with Nia Jax, who she has a special chemistry with. The tag division played some WWE games too with a pair of short TV matches, though you can do a lot worse than Rey & Dominik Mysterio, The Street Profits and monster Otis. Like Dolph and Bobby.
Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens are gonna fight on the pirate ship, right?
Rating:3.0 / 5.0
205 LIVE (3/19/21)
Real torch-passing show this week: Ashante “Thee” Adonis” downed Ariya Daivari; Jake Atlas downed Tony Nese. Welcome to the new school. Maybe.
Rating:1.5 / 5.0
Working Man’s Satisfaction: 32%
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Happy Thoughts – WWE Fastlane 2021 (3/21/21)
I have seen a lot of wrestling promoters set a mood for their wrestling events, but not many moods have hit like a clash between Roman Reigns and Daniel Bryan advertised alongside Premier League Highlights and Modern Family.
Welcome to the Peacock Era.
0. WWE U.S. Title: Riddle [c] vs. Mustafa Ali w/ Retribution
They had a couple requisite “my GOD” moments towards the end here, but this Kickoff Match was never going to be about the wrestling given that Riddle is more about his scooter and Ali more about screaming at his group that was never going to work. It’s just a weird approach to wrestling, that’s all. RECKONING, SLAPJACK, MACE, and T-BAR all turned on Ali after the match, a sad end to a group I only allowed myself to care about for two of its’ forty-something weeks. **1/4
1. WWE Women’s Tag Team Title: Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler [c] vs. Sasha Banks & Bianca Belair
Sasha Banks and Bianca Belair can hit some great-looking spots and the Minnesota Wrecking Q is occasionally capable of a good ass-kicking, but this never felt like anything other than 10 minutes of getting in place for a finish where the camera zoomed in on Sasha and Belair all pissed off at each other. **1/2
2. WWE U.S. Title: Big E [c] vs. Apollo Crews
Big E and Apollo Crews have delivered a story way out of WWE’s league, a stupid fun old school WWF feud mixed with the intensity of a couple guys who have just been Guys With Potential for almost 10 years. I got so hyped over Big E spearing Crews to the floor and screaming in his face to begin the match that it hurt even worse when this ended after 5 minutes with a botched pin. I’m impressed I want more, like a full-on WrestleMania gimmick match. But this was short and unfortunate. *3/4
3. Braun Strowman vs. Elias w/ Jaxson Ryker
Braun Strowman vs. Shane McMahon being advertised then changing to Braun Strowman vs. Elias is a special kind of bait-and-switch, but I can’t say I was looking forward to the former and this ended up going by quicker so maybe lying about a wrestling card is… good? *
4. Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Seth Rollins
This was a good match, though good in that way where it’s the first time in a while the two wrestlers have actually had a match that got any sort of time and focus. Given Nakamura’s preference for kick-based offense, Rollins tried out a few new kick combos of his own but I was more impressed by how balls out his tope was. They put together some quality counters at the end, and then it just kind of… ended. ***1/4
5. No Holds Barred: Drew McIntyre vs. Sheamus
Their first RAW match without any weapons remains my favorite of this series, but once again: these two absolutely fucked each other up. It was like Regal vs. Finlay with more bumps into electronics. The wrestling is fun, but the way Drew and Sheamus are going so hard in the most wonderfully passive aggressive way on the Road to WrestleMania is what makes it art. ****
6. Randy Orton vs. Alexa Bliss
Randy Orton actually humored the boys bumping around for a match against Alexa Bliss and her fireballs, and then The Fiend returned all burnt and scary-looking. I don’t know, Jim. I just don’t think this is for me. But who is it for? WHO IS IT FOR? N/A
7. WWE Universal Title: Roman Reigns [c] w/ Paul Heyman vs. Daniel Bryan (Special Guest Enforcer: Edge)
Even without the backstory that has been both these guys’ WWE journeys (and that Edge guy standing around outside), this was just great pro wrestling. The “PPV performance” has become a quieter concept in a world with so much TV wresting, but these two gave their all to every spot as they told the story you’d expect them to: Daniel Bryan good and smart and lots of heart, Roman Reigns mean and big and sometimes a little bitch.
That vibe flowed through the entire match as both guys put in a PPV performance, Roman putting a little extra on every single thing: the power on his first side headlock takeover, the humiliation in his eyes when Bryan first out-wrestled him, the anger as he delivered a simple thing like a snap suplex.
Bryan is almost casually great, but its’ his approach to wrestling that makes the matches good: there’s a credibility and trust that he’s not only trying to beat Roman Reigns but he has the answer to do it. The man has thrown a lot of running clotheslines, but the word coming to mind for the one he threw as he rallied to try and conquer Roman is RUGGED. Just a balls out collision.
The production team and Roman Reigns’ eyes kept the YesLock over as a possible finish and they got all they could out of it towards the end, a dramatic close to the wrestling match before a referee bump really closed things up. Edge became a referee, Roman sold the YesLock, Jey hit a superkick so nasty I hope it didn’t re-injure Edge, and everybody began throwing chairshots so nasty I hope they didn’t injure everybody. ****1/2
Happy Thoughts: This had the usual confusion that surrounds WWE heading into WrestleMania these days, but after a slow start the actual wrestling matches delivered. Roman vs. Bryan is well worth seeking out. 3.0 / 5.0
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Captain Lou’s Review: AJPW Dream Power Series 2021 (3/14/2021)
Izanagi & UTAMARO vs. Ryuji Hijikata & Dan Tamura
Hijikata getting a semi-permanent spot on the All Japan Korakuen cards warms my cold dead heart. Still a good hand in the ring. Still a good soccer kick. The rest of the crew brought an acceptable amount of opening match wrestling effort, Danny Tamura impressing with a galaxy-brained schoolboy into gutwrench suplex combo. Him and Izanagi couldn’t quite work out the bridge-heavy finale they had planned but still managed to find their way across the finish line. **1/4
Atsuki Aoyagi vs. Francesco Akira vs. Alejandro – 3-Way Match
Crisp, clean high-flyin’ fun with everyone showing a surprisingly good grasp of the 3-way trope and avoiding a lot of its pitfalls. Alejandro and his Despacito-esque entrance theme continue to be a good fit for the AJPW junior scene. I’m usually against aerial-minded white dudes using ‘’shoot-style’’ high kicks, but I can’t deny how good Akira makes his look. Any of these guys would benefit from a junior title program with CIMA. ***
Shuji Ishikawa, Takao Omori, Black Menso-re & Ryuki Honda vs. Kuma Arashi, Koji Doi, Hokuto Omori & TAJIRI
Nothing but respect for the Total Eclipse theme, which we could not hear clearly in Shin Kiba due to copyright issues. A spooky banger of the highest order, worthy of Darkside Jake Lee’s Dracula-lite mannerisms. The big highlight here was Doi and Big Shuj laying into each other and giving us a tasty preview of the upcoming Champ Carnival. Total Eclipse felt dangerous and to his credit, TAJIRI didn’t completely kill the vibe. Meat and potatoes with extra storytelling spice. **3/4
Jake Lee & Yusuke Kodama vs. Shotaro Ashino & Koji Iwamoto
Dug this one a lot. Old-school Southern tag vibe with the heels working over Ashino’s injured ribs. The dueling broken friendship stories gave the action a lot of juice and I had fun watching how the two sides approached the angle. Ashino/Kodama worked their issues via an immediate bar brawl pull apart, which ruled, while Jake/Iwamoto went with more deliberate theatrics – Koji once again refusing the join the darkside of the force and eventually snapping on THE DARK GENTLEMAN.
In all cases, everyone is selling the hell out of this story. Other highlights: Ashino suplexing Kodama off the apron into his former Enfants Terribles bros and Jake unveiling a deadly new Brainbuster finish. Hell to the yes. ***1/4
Suwama & Hikaru Sato vs. Yoshitatsu & Osamu Nishimura
AJPW trying to sell Suwama/Yoshitatsu as OUDOU vs. TOUKON is my favorite kind of stretch. Somehow, Yoshi pushed the joke even further here by showing up in plain black trunks and busting out an Octopus hold. The spirit of Antonio Inoki burns brightly inside this man. Even with Tatsu’s newfound motivation, I’m struggling to take this storyline seriously. Truly the most obvious filler defense of Big Wama’s mega reign.
Bitching aside, the work was still weirdly solid and I will never say no to Osamu Nishimura getting a spot higher up the card. Pretty decent ending stretch too: Hikaru unleashing all sorts of cross armbreaker-based-punishment on the unlikely TC challenger. ***
Kento Miyahara & Yuma Aoyagi © vs. Zeus & Shigehiro Irie – AJPW Tag Team Titles
Not quite the Internet-breaking tag classic I was hoping for, but still a pretty damn good match that ended up at least on par with the Nextream title win against Violence Giants. Again, Kento took a backseat and the spotlight went straight on Yuma, which made sense considering the way they worked the build-up between him and Zeus at Shin Kiba.
The structure followed a similar arc as the aforementioned Nextream/VG match: Aoyagi eating a healthy ass kicking before gradually overcoming the odds and scoring the upset. Purple Haze were terrific as the monster challengers, Zeus literally slicing up Yuma’s chest open with some of the hardest chops imaginable and Irie reducing the Ace into a puddle of goo via nuclear-charged forearms.
Homicidal Terrybear Irie’s insane timing added a lot to the layout – the dude just flying into the screen and destroying people when you would least expect it. I also need to shout out the god damn vicious-looking Choke slam/Electric chair double-team of death from the Purple Hazers. Proper high impact devastation that made Yuma’s survival (and TRIUMPH~!) all the more thrilling. ***3/4
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Captain Lou’s Review: NOAH Great Voyage 2021 in Fukuoka (3/14/2021)
Shuhei Taniguchi, Hajime Ohara & YO-HEY vs. Yoshiki Inamura, Kinya Okada & Yasutaka Yano
Pretty decent opener that showcased the young men of NOAH and Taniguchi’s new Disco Manabu Nakanishi gimmick. Inamura handily stole the show with his ridiculous feats of strength and Yano put his freshly-developed chemistry with YO-HEY to good use during the finish. **1/4
HAYATA vs. Junta Miyawaki
Uncle Yoshinari was meant to work his magic with Junta here, but a fever/COVID scare has led us to this cursed HAYATA replacement booking. In a weird way, having such to wrestle such a bland opponent made Miyawaki’s work all the more impressive. He brought the fire and put together all sorts of intricate arm-targeting offense. That Tornado DDT into chickenwing armlock was a thing of beauty! Unfortunately, there’s nothing to HAYATA beyond ‘’Guy who does moves’’ so there was a limit to how much Miyawaki could achieve here. Hope he gets another show at Ogawa. **3/4
Akitoshi Saito vs. Mohammed Yone
When booking your Pro Wrestling NOAH card, always ask yourself: ‘’Does this show need a singles match between Akitoshi Saito and Mohammed Yone?’’. The answer might surprise you. I can’t tell if they’re trying to do a Very Serious Feud between Funky Express and Dark Argents or if this is just filler bullshit. Probably a bit of both. All I know is that Saito seems quite angry with Yone’s disco ways and I think he should just chill out. *3/4
Daisuke Harada & Kai Fujimura vs. HAYATA & Yuya Susumu
You know it’s time to reassess your life choices when the undercard you’re reviewing throws you a second HAYATA match. They had the right idea here with the young boy in peril structure, but HAYATA and Susumu are such lifeless heels that the beatdown section put me in a deep sleep. Then I started dreaming about life outside of this Fukuoka show and it was wonderful. I woke up just in time to see Susumu’s Dick Togo/Daisuke Sasaki-esque ability to put on a crossface from any angle. That’s something I can get behind. **1/4
Kenoh, Haoh & Nioh vs. Kazuyuki Fujita, Kendo Kashin & NOSAWA Rongai
Oh, buddy. Remember when Sugiura-gun felt like the most dangerous faction in wrestling? Were we being worked all this time? I guess we were. BRING BACK RENÉ DUPREE. There were a few decent moments between Big Kazzer and Kenoh, but most of this felt like a bad comedy match. The Staredown Revival, the wonky countout restart, Kendo Kashin’s existence. Who is this for? *3/4
Seiki Yoshioka © vs. Atsushi Kotoge – GHC Jr. Heavyweight title
A real blessing compared to the rest of this show, but not quite as good as I had hoped for. Despite a few thrilling sequences and solid work all around, these two couldn’t keep the match fully engaging for the whole duration. The ‘’Regular ol’ junior back and forth’’ plotline is a risky gamble when you’ve got two guys with limited personalities going 20. Before anyone tries to cancel me over this line, I know Kotoge has a wild personality, but I find that it rarely translates in big match situations. Could you tell from this match that this dude is crazy?
On the positive side, the action never dipped into irredeemable territory and there were some genuinely clever moments spread throughout. Yoshioka’s BACKSLIDE 2 SLEEP counter of Kotoge’s rolling cutter was obviously an all-timer, but I also dug Kotoge’s apron missile dropkick and the constant teasing of the shoot headbutt of death. Could’ve done with less time and a Yoshioka victory. ***1/4
Go Shiozaki, Naomichi Marufuji, Takashi Sugiura & Kotaro Suzuki vs. Katsuhiko Nakajima, Masa Kitamiya, Manabu Soya & Tadasuke
On the one hand, there’s no reason for these NOAH-ISM tags to go this long. Misawa’s legacy could still be celebrated in 15 minutes. On the other hand, I enjoyed large parts of this. You just can’t go wrong with such a high quantity of conductive pairings. As noted by the Abema commentary crew, the Go/Katsu exchanges in these low-stakes tag matches still have a title match aura to them. Off the charts intensity and off the charts stiffness. Sugiura/Masa is another pairing that always delivers: less post-divorce violence and more beef-centric walloping. Other highlights: the various nods to NOAH’s history, Soya’s always-incredible test of strength spot and the wild your move-my-move sequence that led to the finish. ***1/4
Keiji Muto © vs. Kaito Kiyomiya – GHC Heavyweight Title
I was weirdly pleased with the first Muto/Kaito match and had nothing but good words for Kiyomiya’s performance. The sequel didn’t really work for me. On the surface, they told a story that made sense: Kaito staying one step ahead of Muto thanks to his youth and obsessive headlock knowledge, Muto slowly getting back into the driver’s seat by dismantling his arm.
Beneath the paper-thin layer of kayfabe, the match was so clearly designed to give Muto MAXIMAL NAP TIME that basic emotional attachment was impossible to achieve. One sequence for one rest hold was the math formula used to layout this bad boy. Kaito’s a real champ for going along with this, but also what the fuck was going with his offense here? The self-concussing flying rugby headbutts exuded big dumb energy and that Misawa-style Facelock made the Skull End look like advanced human torture.
Sure, the Muto/Tenryu Fukuoka ’99 avalanche-rana callback was almost worth three stars alone, but everything else about this was just too frustrating. And for the record, I don’t think Kaito losing here hurts him at all. The real damage was the slow realization that we’re getting a long-term Muto GHC reign in 2021. **3/4
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